He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
