He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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