you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
