she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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