I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
