So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
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Alive.
So much puke
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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