so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
