Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
