Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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