hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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