ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
