So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
