I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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