i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
