apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
