cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
