I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
