smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
