Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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