i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we're so committed to being not committed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
