my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
