to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wear drunk well.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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