remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the liver wants what the liver wants
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
