Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
