A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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