my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need water and some morals
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
