real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
