you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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