and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
