I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
