ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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