2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, beer. Big fan.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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