when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
