Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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