I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
