you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
