I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
