Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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