my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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