My liver just broke up with me...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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