I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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