I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
