good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
