and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize