in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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