p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
smell my finger.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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