hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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