In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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