Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
