New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
