I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
