That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
