Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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