UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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