Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
