theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
