I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
