I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
